The morning started out pretty good for me but as time went on, a heaviness began to hover over me and I kept reliving Sunday over and over again. I was very troubled and right away knew that this was mine (burden) and not someone elses. I knew it was a continuation of what came on me Sunday after I shared at church. God has been teaching me about the gift of discernment.
So I thought okay, let's get rid of this and I told my flesh to shut up then started busying myself around the house. This is what we had been learning at church: to just tell our flesh to shut up when something comes on us. And the leader of the church had been teaching on Spirit, soul and body.
Anyway, this went on for some time (shouting at my flesh) but I'm sorry, it just was not working for me. Everyone is different and things work differently for each person and God knows exactly what we need. So it finally got to the point where it was all I could take and I plopped myself down in the chair at my kitchen table and began to cry. I said, "God, here I am bawling and squalling and MY flesh is NOT wanting attention because there ain't nobody else here!"
I began to pour my heart out to God which is what the Bible refers to as "casting our cares upon him". Then a Scripture in John came to me, "Let not your heart be troubled..." I had dropped my face down into my open Bible and as I lifted my head, I saw it was open to the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10 because the previous night I had looked up some scripture references in my lessons I had previously written.
As I began to read and still crying, God began speaking to me. I LOVE His Word because He often speaks to me through His Word in times like this. This moment was one of those "special times" when He is really speaking through the pages as I read. Moments like these used to happen a lot for me years ago, mainly at Bible College but it had been awhile since it happened this way again.
As I read in Luke 10, it was NOT Martha He spoke to, it was ME He was speaking to. It was also as if He reached out as He spoke, wiping a tear from my cheek, saying, "Connie, Connie, you're troubled about many things. Come sit at my feet which is the better thing needed." (This is what Mary had chosen to do) And during this moment, He didn't say a whole lot more, but just began to pour out His love on me.
He did not condemn me because I hadn't stayed strong but had become "fleshy". He was not mad because I was emotional and crying. He did not make me feel bad because I was crying and was a mess. And I was not ashamed for my tears either because I KNOW what He does with my tears. He collects them in a bottle and He records it in His book. He is aware of all the situations that bring me to tears and He turns all those things around for the good and uses those tears as 'rivers of healing' that He pours over me during those difficult times.
Next to me on the table was my IPad and little did I know at this time, there was a message sent to me from my husband, Don, telling me to just 'let it all go' like it never happened. He knew I was troubled about many things and I was reminded of my lesson, "Guard Your Heart".
At this time, the phone rang and it was my friend, Julia. I said hello. She said she called to see how I was doing. I told her I was doing okay and asked how she was doing and she answered okay. So then I thought, okay, now that we've both lied to each other all because we didn't want to tell how we really were doing because we aren't suppose to FEEL, it was time to get to the REAL purpose of this phone call.
I began to share with her truthfully how my day had been going and she shared a bit with me. At the end of the call we both were encouraged and uplifted and it was wonderful! Praise God! Our call ended with....the most important thing is what GOD thinks, not man and we need to prepare our self for these times, by "guarding our heart". Julia had read all my lessons so we both knew what we needed to do.
When I hung up the phone, I no more than got turned around in my seat and saw that I had left my Facebook open on my computer screen and there coming down the newsfeed was a post by Sarah Young's page. She wrote the Jesus Calling Devotional. Wow! I didn't remember reading THAT one for that day but then realized it was a post from "Jesus Calling for Kids" book. So I had to call Julia back to read it to her. It read:
"I know that sometimes you doubt yourself. You worry about what people think of you. You're afraid that you're not good enough. You think no one cares. I want you to bring those fears and doubts to Me and let me give you peace".
You see, God was bringing us back into His peace....that Resting place in Him. Thank you, Lord!
After hanging up the phone again, I also realized that Julia was one that understood what I had tried sharing in church Sunday morning and God had actually used her in that very same way that I shared. She had something come on her and knew right away it was not hers (burden) because God laid Don and I on her heart, then she discerned what the Spirit wanted to do...pray for us or call or what? God led her to call and I'm SO thankful she did!
You see, Saturday night when I went to bed, God began to download in my Spirit all I was to share on Sunday. He also let me know that not everyone was going to receive what I had to share and to be prepared. So I knew already how the service was going to be FOR ME before it even began. God prepared me but....
I still failed.
You ever have that happen to you? God prepares you for something but you still end up failing? I hate when that happens to me (sigh). I hate MYSELF when I ALLOW it to happen!
I failed to 'guard my heart' and because I did, I needed my God-time to get me back in His peace - that place of resting in Him.
But anyway, it didn't end there. God was not done yet. Thank you Jesus! That evening I received an email from another friend, Roberta. It read....
I could see that you were guarded last night. The Lord put you on my heart and all I could do was pray for you that you could be set free.
HALLELUJAH! She was praying for me! She was interceding for me! That's what I needed! Thank you Jesus. And thank you, Roberta!
Then her letter continued and this was the beautiful part and the words that God knew that I needed and I knew also that Julia would understand them as well. It read....
Connie, I want you to know that you are a very special friend and I really do appreciate you. God brought you back here for a reason. We are all growing and sometimes like a child we are trying to find our way and learning what is right and wrong. What God has really helped me with is, it's okay to fail. Then as we give it to God, He can turn it around for a mighty miracle.
Then I wept before God once again.
I praise and thank God today for those who ARE sensitive to His Spirit and know His voice and was obedient to Him that day and stood in the gap for me! Praise God, thank you Jesus!
Let me end with this: PLEASE just be aware that when something does come upon you, don't be so quick to just shout, "SHUT UP" to your flesh but take just a moment to discern what it is. It could very well be an "indicator" that someone needs prayer....needing YOU to stand in that gap for them....to intercede for them. It's called Intercessory Prayer and God calls many to be Prayer Warriors as their ministry....a powerful ministry!
I saw this quote and thought it to be appropriate to share here:
Feelings are indicators, not dictators. -- Lysa TerKeurst
Does not pain felt in the body indicate something is wrong? Something to think about!
I'm so thankful that God never leaves me and He's always there to catch me whenever I fall!
Amen! To God Be All The Glory!
Love you all,
Connie
If viewing this from email, visit my site to listen to the song, "When You Say Nothing At All" by Alison Krauss
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