Poem: Fallen From Grace

I came to you Lord with a pure heart
Desiring to give You every part
I hungered and thirsted for Your every Word
Willing to do anything for you, Lord.
My heart yearned; I was so unlearned
You tugged at my heart every time I turned
I didn't understand; what went wrong?
Struggle after struggle; it was hard to stay strong
Never measuring up; always beat down
Another rule to follow; I felt so bound
In a religion, no longer a race
I found I had fallen--Fallen From Grace

I thought I had accepted that gift of grace
But found I had fallen; for works took Your place
Grace is freely given, not obtained by what I do
Why didn't I comprehend this? I feel like a fool
My hopes were built on works, I was incapable of performing
The many times I failed, came most without warning
Met with disappointment, every task done for You
Expecting justification in things that I would do
Your cross I thought, I was trying to embrace
But instead I found--I had Fallen From Grace

Consider who it was that hindered you?
Hearkening unto them kept one from obeying the truth
Satan and his instruments caused the fall
They endeavored to overthrow my faith
They obstructed my vision, the truth erased
But seeing the error, I stand fast and free
In the liberty of the cross where Christ died for me
I will never again be entangled or caught
In the web of false teaching
Only by His blood I was bought
I continue steadfast in the truth I once embraced
I found I am no longer--Fallen From Grace.

Connie Schmoll
February 2001

Fallen From Grace

Another Sunday morning and there I sat once again feeling nothing. I had cried so much through all of this that even my tears were all dried up. The longer I sat listening to the Word of God being preached that day, the angrier I became. It was getting so hard to even believe anymore. I didn't know how much more I could really take with not knowing what was wrong. Why were all these things happening? Nothing was working out and things just didn't seem to be making sense anymore. I felt like I had completely lost the joy of the Lord and my walk with God was getting so weak.

The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength, right? Well...No wonder I was growing weak. Lord, where is the joy I once had when I first believed?

As I left that service feeling numb, I remember how shocked I felt when all of a sudden a Scripture popped into my head. Galatians Chapter 5. A spark of hope was ignited within me because I knew at that moment that the Lord had not stopped speaking to me and I had not completely grown deaf to His voice.

It is true that God will not allow too much to come upon us that we cannot bear. I knew for me, that day just had to be the day for this major trial to end. I felt a sense of urgency and hurried to my car and opened my Bible.

Galatians Chapter 5 is where God led me when I came to the place where I had so much junk happening in my life and I did not understand what was happening and why. It just seemed like my spiritual growth had ceased and I was constantly on this "spiritual treadmill" that never seemed to end. It was like I was running and running but getting nowhere. I was so tired of the frustrating life that was suppose to be a life of peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. My question was...what had happened?

As I began to read in Galatians Chapter 5, God's Word ministered to my heart and the Lord began showing me that "Christ had become of no effect unto me, and I had fallen from grace". But what did all of this mean?

My eyes welled up with tears and it was like a dam had finally broken as the tears began to flow with full force down my face. I sat there for a few minutes, got myself together and headed home. I had to find out more of what the Lord was trying to tell me. Again, I wondered...what did all of this mean?

When I arrived home, I continued seeking God through His Word and began praying for more understanding. I found myself then reading the other writings of Paul and found it interesting how in I Corinthians 9:24 he likens our walk with God as running a race and in Hebrews 12:1,2 he says to "lay aside every weight that so easily besets us".

From my experience during my walk with God, through some of the teachings I had allowed myself to receive, it seemed like my life had become a very frustrating one and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Serving the Lord was suppose to be about joy and hope, not of frustration and a race going nowhere.

When I began reading more in Galatians and felt that God was telling me that I had "fallen from grace", I was shocked and a bit confused. I didn't understand. What did Paul really mean here? I had thought Jesus was everything to me!! I was so blinded to what was actually happening to me after I had gotten saved. It was like this deceptive blind was over my eyes. I didn't see it.

As the Lord began giving me understanding, I could see now that after I had been saved, somehow I had fallen into the mind set that it was up to me now to work to keep my salvation. I was turning back to self instead of keeping complete dependence on Jesus. I had gotten all caught up into works and pulling away from true faith.

Have you ever been there? You're placed into the line up, you begin "running the race", then it seems along the way, your focus has become blurred and your eyes have left the finish line and before you even realize it, because it happens so subtly, you've resorted to another road...the road of self dependence.

I could see now what Paul might be saying here. A person can still be "in the race" yet veered off the path somewhere along the way. At least it seems to make sense comparing it to what I had experienced. I don't actually think that a person is lost or losing out with God when they have "fallen from grace" but from what I see and experienced, living a legalistic lifestyle which causes one to depend on their own works instead of God, won't help a Christian grow. It HINDERS maturity. It SUFFOCATES freedom and it OBSCURES the grace of God. It makes "the race" more frustrating and long.

Paul even says in Galatians 2:21, "I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain."

The person becomes bitter and never knows the peace of God that they are to have. "They will know nothing of the REST which remains for the people of God, which can only be entered into by ceasing from their own works.". (Hebrews 4:9-10)

Let's look at verse seven of Galatians 5 where Paul says, "Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?" Paul is saying, you started out okay, but someone or something has hindered your walk now. If I can put a picture to this...it's kind of like a Christian gets saved, starts running the race for Jesus, then an obstacle is thrown in front of them that cuts their stride, hindering their progress. With knees and palms skinned, they leave the track. They strapped on a yoke of "works" and only grunts and groans can be heard now where joy and hope once filled the air. Instead of running free now toward the crown of life, they are laboriously tilling the fallow ground of fruitless endeavor.

There are some who suffer many injuries (hurts and offenses) along the way because of their running alone and thinking that their way is the right way. Christ can't work with someone like that and will continually try to get the person back on the right path with Him.

In other words, Christ can't be effective in a person's life who does not depend on Him, but are only depending on their works to get saved and to keep them saved. They follow the rules of man but have no relationship with the Ruler of their spirit. That is why it may seem like they are so loaded down in this race for Christ. That is why so many can't or maybe don't know how to make decisions for themselves. They never stop being babies in the Lord. They never mature or grow up in God!

Until a person turns back to God...depending only on Him and not their own works for justification, they will continue to live a frustrated Christian life and never grow to maturity and continue being spoon fed by the pastor and most likely running in circles and finding themselves on the same path day after day, going through the same things over and over, running but getting nowhere.

It's hard to "run the race" that is set before us when carrying all that "weight that so easily besets us". We need to "lay aside every weight...looking unto JESUS, the Author and Finisher of our faith."

Cry out to HIM and He WILL answer! He will bring healing to your eyes that you may begin to see again, and heal the heart and mind to help you begin to believe once again.

If you are viewing this from email, please visit Waiting At The Window Website to listen to the video: HEAL ME by Aaron Jeoffrey!

Through My Window Pain

As I stood at that same window the next morning, the excitement I used to feel was no longer there. Today was different. As I peered through the glass, the view only brought me past visions of painful memories. I closed my eyes and once again as I relived that moment, I felt the sharp pain as if a knife was being thrust into my chest. The pain I felt in my heart hurt so bad. I could barely breathe as I tried fighting back the tears. I remember the sudden pattering of water drops hitting the window's glass as the rain began pouring down outside. I remember thinking that the rainfall had not only begun to fall outside but also in my life. What used to be gentle winds was now replaced with torrential winds that blew with such force that I was unable to fight it off. My fingers ran across the glass as the window became steamed as my heart grew cold once again and all I saw before me was like shattered glass as my vision was blurred from those tears welling up in my eyes. What I saw outside that window that night broke my heart and the rejection I experienced changed my life completely.

We all have painful memories in our past of those times when our heart was wounded from rejection or terrible things that may have happened to us. For many of us, we had no idea how to stop the pain. As with my situation that I shared above, at age 15, I was rejected and hurt which caused me to question, “What's wrong with me?” I did not know how to deal with the pain and began turning to drugs, alcohol, premarital sex and whatever else I thought could help me stop feeling the pain. It helped for awhile until even those things let me down and could no longer suppress the painful memories I had and wanted desperately to go away.

After years of abuse that my mind and body suffered from this lifestyle, I had so much more hurt and pain that had just piled up and needed to be rid of. I realized that all I was doing was living in a dark prison of choice, constantly reliving my past and forgiveness was the only way of escape for me.

You see...I have a different window that I look through now. I no longer peer through my window of pain. My window is now a window of anticipation, where I wait on the Lord...my window of hope, where the Word of God speaks into my heart and my life. A window where I can view things differently, where I can destroy that spirit of rejection before it latches on to me. I guard my heart, for out of it comes the issues of life.

It is very important what we allow to enter into our hearts. We have the power to stop it. It is up to us what we allow ourselves to receive and what thoughts that we choose to cast down and out of our life. And it is very important to teach this to our children, because you see, the rejection and pain that I experienced at age 15, I had no idea how to deal with it. I allowed it's poison in and to spread throughout my being which led me to that path of destruction for my life.

As I stand “waiting at the window” today, well...all I can say is how powerful Forgiveness is. FORGIVENESS is all about taking care of the heart: "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." (Proverbs 4:23) Whatever you allow in your heart, determines the course of your life. If you do not take care of your heart, instead of your life AFFECTING others in a good way, it will start INFECTING others in a bad way and begin destroying your own.

Some people believe that forgiveness has a price but believe me my friend, to NOT forgive will cost you so much more. We wonder sometimes how we are to forgive someone who has not shown any true remorse...but you see...Forgiveness comes from an open heart and without condition...or it doesn't come at all. We cannot wait to forgive when we FEEL like it because that feeling may never come. We must CHOOSE to forgive, for it breaks satan's power over us in that area and God's healing touch is free to move.

We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness of not only others but also of ourselves. Sometimes I find that the hardest person for me to forgive is myself. Having the ability to forgive is an admirable quality. Choose to forgive so the healing can begin and the pain can die. Be determined today that you are going to LIVE TO FORGIVE because I guarantee you friend, that you are going to be hurt many more times in life than you can imagine. Do your best to stay prepared!

Affirmation of Forgiveness: I Choose Peace...I Live Forgiven...I Forgive So That I May Live!

Connie J. Schmoll

If you are viewing this through email, come to "Waiting At The Window" website and listen to the video.

7 Times 70
by Chris August

Silent Seasons of the Soul

We face circumstances beyond our understanding and control. We find ourselves having to believe when God can't be seen or heard. Yet in the silent darkness, He is working. His silence in the shadows does not mean He does not care. A part of faith is trusting without answers, believing when it seems He is not there. The most important thing is how you deal with what you do in each season that comes upon you, because it will greatly affect your future. We learn the different Silent Seasons of the Soul.


SILENT SEASONS OF THE SOUL

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth. Ecclesiastes 3:1-9

CHANGE. The seasons change and with them, life. People come and then they go. Hearts are broken, then quickly mended. While sin blackens souls, God will cleanse them. One life dies, while a new one begins. Promises are made that will never be kept. First words spoken while last ones are uttered. And still the world turns; still the sun shines. People finally adapt to change and then...a new season.

Life comes with many seasons. We live in a world of changes. Every change concerning us, with the time and season of it, is unalterably fixed and determined by a supreme power, and we must take things as they come, for it is not in our power to change what is appointed for us.

There are many seasons of the soul as there are men with souls. We need to go with the flow, acknowledging God in each season He has chosen for us in that particular time and going along with it instead of resisting or rejecting it no matter how painful is may be. But also know that not all changes are bad; not all seasons bring pain and they all have a purpose.

Life will bring us questions without answers. To live is to encounter silent seasons of the soul. It seems our prayers go unanswered. We face circumstances beyond our understanding and control. We find ourselves having to believe when He can't be seen or heard. Yet in the silent darkness, God is working. His silence in the shadows does not mean He does not care. A part of faith is trusting without answers, believing when it seems He is not there. The most important thing is how we deal with what comes upon us during each season, because it will greatly affect our future.

Do you have a favorite season of the year? My favorites are Spring & Autumn.

Let's take a look at the four seasons that we see throughout the year. We know of the seasons, and look forward to some of them, and accept them and adapt to them.

Lets start out with my favorite:


SPRING.

Isaiah 55:10 For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

In the spring you find rainy days that bring growth. Pretty flowers start budding. The beauty of new life springs forth. In the springtime, we receive a lot of rainfall to wash impurities from the air.

The storms of life that we encounter, God uses those times to purify our hearts. Rainfall or trials in our lives help us to grow in the Lord.

After our time of rainfall there is always sunshine to look forward to. I had a friend who always encouraged me that when storms of life come, I can be assured that the sun would shine again and she always reminded me of God's rainbow of promise. We can find much sunshine in the...


SUMMER.

Ps 42:1-2 As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?

I think of summertime as a real fun sunshiny time in our lives. There are so many things to do and enjoy in the summer months. But of course too, as we really get deep into the summer, there comes a time where it can get pretty hot and dry.

In our walk with God, we start enjoying this mountaintop experience that we sometimes tend to neglect some things we should be doing for our spiritual life and all of a sudden our life becomes dry and barren and we find ourselves in a desert experience. This is a time where we long for the things of God once again. We develop a thirsting in our soul. And of course Jesus Christ is that Living Water that we need to quench that thirst. And then we get so much of God in this time but then comes the change.

Many changes start happening in this time of our life. We see ourselves in our Fall time...


AUTUMN.

Job 14:14 If a man die, shall he live again? all the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.

In Autumn, the leaves fall from their branches as the wind sweeps in. Everything is dying. Everything MUST die and be prepared for the next season. But during this dying time, we begin to notice the beautiful colors that Autumn brings. There is a beauty there that we do not yet see.

When I look at Autumn and how I see it in comparison with a season in life, I would have to say that it reminds me of a time where so much change comes upon a person. There are ways that God has to work in us and therefore we may be put through some tests in life. I think this season is the hardest of all. It is a short season yet it seems so long because it brings much change. During this season, the times can be difficult until we begin seeing the beauty of what the changes are bringing. It can move right into a real cold time for us. The air gets cold around us and there has to be a dying out to life at this time to survive what is to come next. The windy and cold time it brings sort of just sweeps us into our next season...



WINTER.

Psalm 51:6-7 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

That brisk piercing cold appears and this season brings snowfall. A white blanket of snow covering all.

The Word of God is like that. We get in this cold state and only the Word of God can cut deep into our innermost thoughts and desires causing an awakening. It exposes us for what we really are. It awakens us to what our life is and makes us aware of what needs changed. It also heals the innermost parts that have been wounded.

It brings back memories for me of the time I was filled with His Spirit when Jesus made me white as snow. But as time goes on, circumstances of life may cause pain and hurt and things start to look a little gloomy, and black starts to cover that snow as the whiteness seems to be melting away. The joy seems to have disappeared. If we come to the Lord, give it all to him, with forgiveness in our hearts, He is faithful and will heal all hurts and will send that fresh blanket of snow to cover us once again, because he loves us. God is love and love covers all.

So you see, life most definitely brings about many changes that we call "silent seasons of the soul". We never know when they will come and what they will be or even why they have to be, but not knowing when, what and why won't really make a difference. But growing closer and knowing Jesus, will. It helps just knowing, by reading it in scripture: "...to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven".

You WILL go through many different seasons in your life, but know that it is all for a reason. Seasons change. Lives change. I know that we can't completely PLAN for that season because we know not what it might be, but we can stay alert by keeping our eyes open and being aware of when a different season is approaching.

I always ask myself: I wonder what season this is? And I ask you...what season are you in? And how are YOU going to handle it?

Connie J. Schmoll

"Seasons Change" by Crystal Lewis

The Challenge: Search Me O God

Hello Friends:

Those of you that have subscribed to my devotional site should have received one of my writings titled, "Search Me Oh God". Well...I met with the Lord this morning and began sharing with him my heart of how unhappy I have been for awhile and how tired I am of things being the way they are and how my family and I desperately need some changes to take place. While "waiting at the window", God began to speak and presented me with a challenge that I would like to also present to each of you. Some of you may be in that same place, desiring change.

My devotional, "Search Me Oh God", that I shared the other day, was actually written seven years ago and the Lord brought it to remembrance and presented me with this challenge again today to begin praying DAILY, Psalm 139:23,24 "Search Me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

I remember seven years ago, when I started praying this prayer, how God started working in my life. You see...sometimes we can get into a place in our life, as I feel that I am in now, where we desperately need change to happen and we are thinking mainly that our SITUATION must change for us to be happy, BUT we may find that much of the change most likely needed has to take place INSIDE OF US.

So just let me say this: IF you join me in this challenge and start praying this prayer daily, WHEN/IF you find yourself facing some difficult situations, keep in mind this prayer you began praying, and begin asking God for understanding of why some of those things may be happening. Stay focused and you'll make it through with total amazement of the good that came out of the situation and the good change that took place IN YOU.

Will you be one to join me in this challenge?

I promise you that God will begin to change things within you and all around you.

#1- Keep your heart open to Him and listen for His voice for direction and be obedient to what He instructs you to do. Things will begin to change for you and in you.

#2- Be aware that in daily activities of your life and through happenings and your interaction with others, you'll be able to tell when God is searching your heart and showing you things inside you that need to change, lessons you need to learn and principles in His Word that you need to apply to your life.

#3- Be forewarned though that it is not an easy process to go through each day, and God will use people very close to you, as well as even strangers to bring change about, but keep in mind....

-- You'll begin to know and understand the freedom in Christ that you are to have.
-- You'll begin to understand that afflictions and brokenness are not your enemies, but your friend.
-- You'll learn that the Lord is near to those of a broken heart and that many are the afflictions of the righteous but that He delivers us out of them all. (Psalm 34:18-19)
-- You'll realize that the Lord teaches good judgment and knowledge through affliction and He'll always be working to draw us back to Him when we go astray.
-- You'll seriously begin believing His commandments and become more determined in keeping His Word. (Psalm 119:66-67)
-- You'll see that it is good for you when you've been afflicted, to learn His statutes and no one will be able to convince you that His judgments aren't right and you'll truly understand that in faithfulness only He afflicts you. (Psalm 119:71-75)

A disadvantage: we do not see the full picture BUT be encouraged and have hope because God knows the beginning from the end and He loves us so much and wants only what is best for us and He is the only one who knows what it takes for us to become what we need to be for Him. Trust Him and begin by following this one instruction from His Word:

Proverbs 4:20-27
My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.

Guard your heart during this time. You want it purified, not infested with more junk. We CHOOSE what we receive and what not. CHOOSE wisely. Watch what you speak during this time. Stay positive and focused!

Actually, the whole chapter of Proverbs 4 would be good reading during this time!

If you want change bad enough and if you choose to join me, I would love to hear from you. Come to my site and leave a comment letting me know that you are joining me today and please keep in touch. I would love to know all the changes that begin happening in your life as a result of THIS prayer and YOUR DESIRE for change.

Job 14:14 If a man die, shall he live again? all the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.

Love you all,
Connie J. Schmoll

Those viewing this from email, visit the site to listen to video, "Search Me O God"! LOVE THAT SONG!