Search Me, Oh God

I listened to Betty Shepherd, the visiting speaker from Australia as she began to talk about what little experience she had with computers. It was comical but very thought provoking how she pointed out that when she would be typing something out, there were times when she would accidentally hit a key on her keyboard and a window would appear in the middle of her screen and she would say, "Oh my goodness! Where in the world did that come from and how do I get rid of it?" Then I laughed as she made the comment, "There are some people out there that know the right buttons to push to set us off, don't they?" She paused then asked, "And how do we react?"

Boy, did this get me thinking! How you ever wondered why things always have to happen over and over again? I have always wondered why I often find myself confronting certain issues over and over again in life.

My husband has a home computer business and he has helped me to become more knowledgeable when it comes to operating a computer. After listening to Betty that morning, it got me thinking about something. On my computer, if I want to locate a certain file, I type in the file name and it shows a little magnifying glass in motion "searching" for that file. Searching, searching, searching...found! Once the file is found, in order to view it, you must click on it to open it up.

This is just how it is in our daily lives: there is a continual "searching" going on. In our past life, we may have encountered some things that caused us pain that may be buried deep inside of us that we have not allowed to surface. Many of us don't know the half of what might be buried deep in side until that "moment of surfacing" comes. The Lord is continually "searching" and "clicking", wanting to heal our wounds from past hurts. This is the working of the Spirit of God which we refer to as sanctification.

The story of Abraham comes to mind. The Lord had told Abraham to go to Mount Moriah to offer up his son, Isaac. He obeyed and just when he was about to plunge the knife into his son, the Lord stopped him and said, "Lay not thy hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me."

There are many times in our life when things happen that God will allow us to go through. Just like with Abraham, it was not so God could see what was in our heart because He already knows. It was to show it to us what is inside that needs to come out. He already knows what is there. Our response to people is what God uses to show us what may be in us that shouldn't be. It is something we can't hide. It shows in our attitude. It shows in our behavior and it can be recognized even by the words we speak.

If you have unforgiveness in your heart, it will show. You will encounter things with people where God wants to teach you forgiveness. This is when we must choose whether we let our flesh reign or will we let the Spirit reign from within us?

David is another one in the Bible that comes to mind. This situation included Saul. Saul was jealous of him and wanted to kill him. God allowed David to come upon the opportunity where he could have taken Saul's life, but he didn't.

God is daily "searching" our hearts. He wants us to have a pure heart and be free of anything that would keep us bound.

In Job 23:10 we read, "But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."

Whenever a situation arises in your life where it seems like something is trying to surface, let the Spirit in you rise and choose to let it take control so it will result in healing instead of more hurts and pain.

We choose to wear the robe of righteousness or not. Sometimes we take it off depending on the company we are with but we need to become a spiritual force of impact for others to see. Our lives need to stand out in hard circumstances. We need to move into the realm of the Spirit completely controlling us. We are God's message to others.

Our daily prayer should be, "Search me oh Lord, and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts. And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" and God will begin to show you things within you that need to be changed. Keep your heart open to Him and listen for His voice for direction and be obedient to what He instructs you to do. Things will begin to change for you and in you. In daily activities of your life, and through happenings and your interaction with others, you'll be able to tell when God is searching your heart and showing you things inside that need to change, lessons you need to learn and principles in His Word that you need to apply to your life.

Be forewarned though that it is not an easy process to go through each day, but you'll begin to know and understand the freedom in Christ that you are to have. You'll begin to understand that afflictions and brokenness are not your enemies, but your friend. You'll learn that the Lord is near to those of a broken heart and that many are the afflictions of the righteous but that He delivers us out of them all. (Psalm 34:18-19) You'll realize that the Lord teaches good judgment and knowledge through affliction and He'll always be working to draw us back to Him when we go astray. You seriously begin believing His commandments and become more determined in keeping His Word. (Psalm 119:66-67) You'll see that it is good for you when you've been afflicted, to learn His statutes. No one will be able to convince you that His judgments aren't right and you'll truly understand that in faithfulness only He afflicts you. (Psalm 119:71-75)

The disadvantage for us is, we do not see the full picture but we are encouraged and have hope because God knows the beginning from the end and He loves us so much and wants only what is best for us and He is the only one who knows what it takes for us to become what we need to be for Him. Trust Him!

Connie J. Schmoll

For those of you viewing this from email, visit the site to view the video, "Search Me O God" by Hillsong.

Afraid To Die

Afraid To Die

John 12:24 ~~ Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.

Have you ever felt a deep sense of loneliness settle on your life? Even while in the midst of a large group of people, you feel alone. You feel very alone in your present situation, feeling like no one understands, no one can help, nor would they really want to. Loneliness can bring a very empty feeling when you do not truly understand its purpose in your life.

We all long to be what God has created us to be but do we have the courage to be it? Many people fail to live life to its fullest because of fear - fear of loss, fear of poverty, fear of the unknown, fear of failure and even fear of success.

Did you know that people fear the very thing they want most in life? Our deepest fears are always intertwined with our greatest longings. Our fears serve as spiritual indicators of the deepest longings of our hearts.

For example: Most of us want God to have complete control over our lives, but we fear letting go of the tightly held reins of our lives, to totally trust God to take control. Our deepest longing is for God to lead our lives, but our greatest fear is where He might lead. Fear of the unknown. We know this will bring sweeping changes to our lives that will leave us feeling displaced, insecure and vulnerable. We won't be able to retreat into the security of the comfort zone we have always carefully crafted as an excuse for failing at something.

Again...our greatest fears are always intertwined with our deepest longings, and once we understand this principle then we'll stop rebuking our fears until we first stop long enough to listen to them. "What is this fear telling me about myself? What is it masking? What inner longing am I afraid of acknowledging in my life?"

Although fear is evil and certainly should be driven from our lives, it should first be considered, processed and even listened to.

"Fear is a spiritual indicator of an unmet need or an inner longing that God desires to fill in our lives. It is an illusion pointing us to a greater reality. And once we identify the longing, and realize that the fulfillment of it is part of our destiny, we find courage to act on it. " ~Terry Crist

This is why I feel every person will come to that place in their life where a deep loneliness settles within them. We are not living life to its fullest, because we are afraid to die. It is crucial that we understand the spiritual principle that life is preceded by death. God will lead us into some areas putting this principle into effect, giving us opportunities to demonstrate its effectiveness.

Loneliness is one of the areas we are led into. The greatest loneliness is "a corn of wheat afraid to die". A self afraid to die - a self not surrendered to God - a life unable to live at its fullest - fear of giving up the control.

If you ask a minister, who is greatly used of God, what his secret is to his great ministry, you will find that a power found in a ministry most likely came out of walking with God through the valley of loneliness.

We constantly find ourselves running away from this feeling. We fear it. We look for ways to fulfill it...like material things, work, people, food, etc. And in our hunting, life becomes frustrating and tiresome and lonely. We're looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. Sometimes the feeling of loneliness can cause us to make decisions based on our own desires. But yet, we find that these desires only give temporal satisfaction. And once again, we are left feeling empty inside and lonely.

Loneliness is actually God pulling us to Him.

Disappointments very well can become HIS appointments. Separation from certain things or people can very well be for the purpose of drawing us to Him.

We need to learn to rest in Him. He will take care of everything, if we let Him. We need to quit trying to do things for ourselves. God always gives the best to those who leave the choice to Him. It is so hard to let go of the control, but if we do not die to self, and let God work as He wants to, this feeling of loneliness will deepen and we will always find ourselves alone. And I'm talking about on the inside. There will never be any amount of material possessions, never enough friends or money, nor all the hours you work, or all the food you desire to eat, that will fulfill that longing inside.

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power ..."(2 Timothy 1:7) This power that we have been given is not just the power to overcome -it is the power to become who we are. The key to overcoming fear is to become who you are called to be in Christ.

Ask God to reveal to you any fear that is masking your unmet need or deepest longing. Let Him use it to direct you into total fulfillment.

Connie J Schmoll

Where It All Began For Me

Well…what I’m about to share, I’m sure it actually began way before this, but this moment I share here is when I could not deny that the prayer I prayed that night, God truly heard me and my life IN HIM began.
You know...it’s funny how God...or should I just say...the circumstances of life took me right back to the place where I feel the down spiral of my life began, But now has become the place where my life IN HIM began.
Rejection. As I think on this word, many hurtful memories flash through my mind. I start remembering certain things that happened in my life that caused me great pain all because of rejection.
I was fifteen when I experienced my first serious crush. At this age, we really think we know what love is, not realizing that we have so much more to learn in life in order to truly understand love. This guy was a little older than me. I was fifteen and he was twenty-two. I even remember the song we sang together that actually fit our life perfectly. “Don’t Cry Joni” - I really cared for him a lot. Although he told me many times that I was too young, (just as the song said) I was always invited to go places with him and his family. His parents even seemed to play a part in trying to get us together. His sister was my best friend so I was always hanging out at their home. THEN, the event happened that broke my heart. I was rejected by him and could not understand why. I returned everything to him that he ever gave me and I walked to the bridge (Willscreek Bridge) and cried my heart out. Little did I know that I had just entered the path of destruction for my life.
Rejection to me is like a very sharp poisonous dart that strikes you, piercing deep within your most inner being and slowly the poison spreads throughout every part of your body. How is one to stop that kind of pain? I sure didn’t know how to stop the pain that I was feeling at that time. This was one main event that I remember that I feel was what began the downward spiral of my life.
One thing I have found is that God will bring back past memories in your life for the purpose of revealing the events in life that caused you to harbor anger, hurt, unforgiveness, etc. that you need to be freed from and where healing needs to take place. Also much understanding will come at that time to show you why your life went the way it did. This was what happened to me.
I could see clearly now how this hurtful event that happened in my teen years where I experienced rejection, caused me to question what was wrong with me? And this is where I began to stop caring for myself and my body began to take harmful abuse from the worldly activities that I turned to like smoking, drinking, drugs and premarital sex.
I’ve come to realize that when a person engages in these types of things, they have come to a hurtful place in their life where they do not care about themselves because of some pain, rejection or abuse they have suffered in their life.
SO…now this brings us to the Christmas party at my sister’s house some years later. I got plastered. The drive home with mom was a hurtful one. I lived with her at this time in Willscreek. Christmas is a very special time for family and this year my dad was not with us. My parents had divorced after 27 years of marriage. I was hurting. We all were hurting. I, of course, was attempting to bury the pain through drinking but we all know that drinking always brings the true feelings out. I wanted Dad and Mom back together and I spoke my mind on the way home. I cried and got my mom crying. It was terrible. I felt bad for upsetting her.
After we arrived home, I grabbed my bottle of whiskey and headed for…..yep, you guessed it….the Willscreek Bridge (you know…the one right next to the general store). I felt so bad. I didn’t want to keep hurting my mom. You never realize how much pain you are causing your parents until you become one yourself and realize that depth of love that is embedded inside of you for another human being…your child.
So here I stood on that bridge for what seemed like hours and watched the rippling waves below rush past into nothingness. As I began to think back on all the countless life patterns of rejection I encountered in my life, I knew this was exactly how I was beginning to see my life – like these waters just rushing past into nothingness. I threw the half-empty bottle into the waters and fell to my knees and began to cry, pouring my heart out, wondering if God was really there and did he hear me? All those past painful memories weighed heavily on my heart. I was so sick of the way my life was and I was tired of hurting the people I love. I knew I needed help and this was when I cried out, “God, Please Help Me!” I sat there in the darkness for along time then stood up, walked home and went to bed. Little did I know that the time spent on that bridge that night was the beginning of a new life for me.
 
Thank God....26 years later, He is still a GOD who hears and listens and cares and knows us intimately and knows what we need!
I just think it is so awesome of God...that He can take you right back to where the wrong turn happened in your life and is able to show you how to fix it. It is then up to you.....the choices you make after that. Will you keep on going down that road of destruction or will you CHOOSE LIFE....in HIM. I am SO GLAD I CHOSE HIM!

Keep Your Eyes Straight Ahead

Every Believer who desires to go on with God will at some point experience the purging work that takes place during a difficult test or trial. However, it is important to understand that God does not send us tests and trials. Satan is the one who comes to devour through cares, worries, and fears. When the devil engages us in conflict and causes our weak places to be exposed, God expects us to use the power of His Word to weld those weak places with Truth and make them strong.

Difficult times bring things to surface to be purged from our lives so God can "establish, strengthen, and settle us". (I Peter 5:6-10) We may not understand sometimes why God lets us suffer through a trial for a time, but later we will see the fruit of His purging work in us.

God cannot pour out His glory on an unpurged people. He is constantly searching for a people to whom He can prove Himself strong. Those (unpurged) people will be unable to stand against the devil's attacks. God pours out His glory in a measure and that glory saturates our being. But the only part that makes it to productiveness is the part that is not eaten up by dead limbs that have not been pruned out of our lives. That is why it is so crucial that we continually yield ourselves to the purging work of the Holy Spirit - not just for our sake, but for the sake of a lost and dying world.

God desires to lead us out of a walk dominated by the flesh into a walk of maturity and sonship. This is His priority and it is our option. WE HAVE TO CHOOSE to accept the leadership of the Holy Spirit. WE HAVE TO CHOOSE to walk out of a life dominated by the flesh and into a life dominated by the Spirit. But be forewarned that distractions shall come, therefore...

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for out of it are the issues of life. Put away from thee a forward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left; remove thy foot from evil (Proverbs 4:23-27 KJV)

Do not be like Peter when he was walking on water. As long as he kept his eyes on Jesus, he stayed up on the water but as soon as he turned his eyes away and started looking at the storm (the circumstances), he began to sink.

If we are truly focused on the Lord and what He wants, all the "goings on" around us will have NO affect on us at all. Let us keep our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith!

Connie J. Schmoll

Beauty For Ashes

When we are burnt by the circumstances of life, we must be careful to not "feed on the ashes" by building shrines of bitterness, hatred, etc. We must build altars unto God for He gives Beauty For Ashes.

Beauty For Ashes


Isaiah 61:1-3 [1] The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; [2] To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; [3]To appoint unto them that mourn, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Many of us have been through times in our lives, where we have been 'burnt' by someone or a situation involving other people. We all go through hurtful moments. Everyone, sooner or later, will feel the hot fires of humiliation, hurts, and the searing of flame of injustice.

There were Biblical figures who have been burnt also. Joseph - rejection from his brothers; David - hated and persecuted by Saul; Jesus - betrayed by Judas; Steven - stoned by the very ones he tried to help and Job - burnt by satan.

Oftentimes, after we are 'burnt' by circumstances that happen in our life, the hurt can go so deep and we feel totally burnt out. All that seems to be left is a pile of ashes. The danger then, is we can start "feeding on ashes", if we are not careful. Our mind can become consumed with the events of what led up to the 'burning'. And from the ashes you are tempted to build shrines. (despair, bitterness, resentment, grudges, loneliness, unforgiveness and hate)

Isaiah 44:14-20 Yea, he maketh a god, and worshippeth it; he maketh it a graven image, and fallen down unto...And the residue thereof he maketh a god, even his graven image; he falleth down unto it, and worshippeth it, and prayeth unto it...He feedeth on ashes.

We can find good in all bad experiences if we look long enough or give it time to emerge. We must be willing to find it, instead of allowing ourselves to bow down to the "ash pile of hurts". We must continually "clean out the ashes" daily. There can always be a jewel found in the rubble of despair.

Joseph summed up the story of his whole life with these words, "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." He did not build a shrine of bitterness or harbor an unforgiving spirit, but instead kept his eye on his dream and his integrity with God.

God promises us that if we would come to Him, He would take the leftovers or ashes of our life and give us beauty instead. Instead of building shrines which will destroy us, we need to build altars to Him, and He will restore us to a new life of beauty. Everyday we must clean out the ashes from yesterday's fire. We must clean out everything that may pull us down or anything that does not glorify God.

When the fire is hot in our life, God deals with us through our "fires of affliction". We must remember the gold process. A furnace is prepared for gold so it can be refined; it makes it much purer than before. It melts the gold, and makes it soft before it is refined. The heat of the furnace will destroy tin and lead, and also the drossy part of gold.

The Lord said, "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction". Isaiah 48:10

The best in a person is not discovered at a party or on beds of ease. It is the struggles of life that produces the gold. The fire of the furnace is to make us better, or work something out in our life that is a negative factor.

The writer of the Psalms expressed the principle that a time of affliction was good for a person. "Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word...It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes". Psalm 119:67,71

When the enemy causes you to be burnt by someone, resist the temptation to build shrines of bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. Build an altar to touch God's fire. Do not let the ashes stack up through pride, prayerlessness, or doubt or they will become banked and hardened, making it difficult to let His fire flow freely and effectively in you. God has all power and will give you the confidence to live the constructive life of hope and power. God is on your side, and with Him you will always win!

He gives beauty for ashes.

Connie J. Schmoll